With increasing numbers of famous people with eating disorders is it any wonder that so many are following suit?Click here to read about some famous people with eating disorders As we tend to equate stardom with happiness it's not difficult to understand why so many are following suit.The truth is that many stars are not happy. And those with eating disorders are far from happy.For a wife or partner who is perhaps not feeling too good about herself, the thinness equated with celebrity life can seem like the answer to her dreams.It is often very hard for onlookers to understand why someone would develop issues with food, or see changing their bodies as the key to happiness.It's much easier to understand if it is viewed in the context of a coping mechanism. Eating disorders are a kind of 'if all else fails, this will work' state of mind.The person who develops one feels that he or she has no control over their life and this leads to depression. A spiral begins and when people get caught up in these kinds of thought patterns, they often become fixated on one thing - and that one thing is the answer to everything.What that person chooses to fixate upon will normally be fairly predictable as there are only so many options to choose from in a given society. Alcohol is an option but it is one which is frowned upon. Drugs too. So is running away.But an option which is increasingly portrayed as an acceptable means of gaining control is weight control. And of course, with more and more famous people with eating disorders in the media, the more acceptable it seems. It is now so common for people to go on diets that it is not always easy to tell if somebody you love is suffering from an eating disorder or if they 'just' have mild concern over their appearance. As there are so many famous people with eating disorders, it has become difficult for us to know when someone is too thin, or not. We tend to look for extreme weight loss, often forgetting that many people suffer while their weight remains stable. But there are a few questions you can ask yourself. Is your partner showing undue concern over her shape, size or weight? Does she read a lot about famous people with eating disorders? Is she often irritable or preoccupied? Does she go on diets? Diets may seem harmless enough but those who embark on them often do so because they have underlying self-esteem issues that even they may not be aware of. People often start a diet really believing that they will feel better about themselves if they lose a few pounds. The problem is that there are so many fad diets around, which can lead to rapid weight loss. That weight is easily regained and that new 'feel good' feeling is lost with it, leading the dieter to try again...and again, often becoming desperate to avoid that feeling of failure accompanied by the regaining of the lost weight. Again, the danger is posed by many images of famous people with eating disorders as the 'failed dieter' will use such celebrities as a measure of her own success or failure. This can lead to obsessive behavior such as that exhibited by the anorexic, bulimic or binge eater. How do you know if your partner has crossed that line? There's so much secrecy involved in eating disorders, it's often hard to know. But that's a clue in itself. If your partner is upfront with you about going on a diet, all well and good. If she's losing weight but tells you she's eating fine, or eats well but visits the bathroom regularly, that could be a sign. Irritability is often a dead give away, but that's a side effect of diets too - nobody feels good tempered when they're hungry! If your partner has underlying self esteem issues then he or she may be expressing these through an eating disorder. Again, it's not always easy to know - we're all capable of sometimes giving across an image we don't truly believe in. Most anorexics, bulimics and binge eaters have troubled pasts. Somewhere along the line they have come to believe that they are 'not as good as they should be.' There is often some trauma in the past which hasn't been dealt with, such as a traumatic childhood, a destructive relationship. Those suffering from eating disorders have often been the victims of childhood abuse, either sexual, physical, emotional or psychological. If you or your partner has been affected by child abuse, please click here You probably know instinctively whether or not your partner has an eating disorder, or if she is suffering from low self esteem. So, what do you do? There are a number of things you can do, but it is important to know that you can help but you can't cure your partner. She or he absolutely must have professional help. I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy. It works by helping the sufferer to develop more effective coping mechanisms so that dealing with life becomes easier. Check out the treatment page where there's a link to cognitive therapy with more information on what it's about.Insofar as what you can do to help, the most important thing is to be consistently caring. Anybody with an eating disorder has a problem with intimacy. To your partner, the eating disorder is a shell within which she can hide from the possibility of being hurt.She finds herself torn between wanting a warm, close and loving relationship with the man she loves, and her eating disorder - the root of which is her fear of rejection. You may find that at times she is loving and open with you, only to withdraw for no apparent reason.This is because she is in a kind of tug of war situation where part of her craves to continue with the eating disorder, although she knows deep down that she doesn't need it, and her need for you. The balance is constantly shifting and she is in constant emotional turmoil as she tries to decide which will provide her with most comfort and safety.The only way through is to constantly show her that she is safe and loved for who she is, and that she won't be rejected.Encourage her to be open about what she is feeling and try to discuss ways in which she may feel better. Physical contact on a friendship level is important.Just holding hands means the world to someone who is feeling vulnerable, and if you feel that the time is right, massage - whether its a body or head massage is great for helping her to relax and feel worthy of your love. Those with any type of eating disorder feel guilty about almost everything. Any pursuit which demonstrates her importance to you as a physical, emotional and spiritual entity is great.As frustrating as it is to see someone you love harm themselves, try not to show this. If we, as a society are going to beat eating disorders, our anger needs to be directed at a fashion industry and media that is intent on glorifying famous people with eating disorders.
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