Is Your Partner Anorexic or Bulimic?

How do you know if your partner is anorexic or bulimic?

It's not always easy, especially as we tend to look for extreme weight loss, often forgetting that many people suffer while their weight remains stable. But there are a few questions you can ask yourself.

Is your partner showing undue concern over her shape, size or weight?

Is she often irritable or preoccupied?

Does she go on diets?

It's often difficult to tell if somebody you love is suffering from an eating disorder or if they 'just' have mild concern over their appearance.

The truth is that neither is acceptable, or necessary. Diets may seem harmless enough but those who embark on them often do so because they have underlying self-esteem issues that even they may not be aware of.

Girls and women often start a diet really believing that they will feel better about themselves if they lose a few pounds. The problem is that there are so many fad diets around, which can lead to rapid weight loss. That weight is easily regained and that new 'feel good' feeling is lost with it, leading the dieter to try again...and again, often becoming desperate to avoid that feeling of failure accompanied by the regaining of the lost weight.

This can lead to obsessive behavior such as that exhibited by the anorexic, bulimic or binge eater.

How do you know if she's crossed that line?

There's so much secrecy involved in eating disorders, it's often really hard to know. But that's a clue in itself. If your partner is upfront with you about going on a diet, all well and good.

If she's losing weight but tells you she's eating fine, or eats well but visits the bathroom regularly, that could be a sign.

Irritability is often a dead give away, but that's a side effect of diets too - nobody feels good tempered when they're hungry!

How well do you know her?

If she has underlying self esteem issues then she may be expressing these through an eating disorder. Again, it's not always easy to know - we're all adept at giving across an image which we don't truly believe in.

Most anorexics, bulimics and binge eaters have troubled pasts. Somewhere along the line they have come to believe that they are 'not as good as they should be.'

There is often some trauma in the past which hasn't been dealt with, such as a traumatic childhood, a destructive relationship. Those suffering from eating disorders have often been the victims of childhood abuse, either sexual, physical, emotional or psychological. If you or your partner has been affected by child abuse, please click here You probably know instinctively whether or not your partner has an eating disorder.

So, what do you do if she has?

There are a number of things you can do, but it is important to know that you can help but you can't cure her.She absolutely must have professional help. I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy. It works because the therapist helps the sufferer to develop more effective coping mechanisms so that dealing with life becomes easier. Check out the treatment page where there's a link to cognitive therapy with more information on what it's about.Insofar as what you can do to help, the most important thing is to be consistently caring. Any woman with an eating disorder has a problem with intimacy.

To her, the eating disorder is a shell within which she can hide from the possibility of being hurt.She finds herself torn between wanting a warm, close and loving relationship with the man she loves, and her eating disorder - the root of which is her fear of rejection.You may find that at times she is loving and open with you, only to withdraw for no apparent reason.This is because she is in a kind of tug of war situation where part of her craves to continue with the eating disorder, although she knows deep down that she doesn't need it, and you.The balance is constantly shifting and she is in constant emotional turmoil as she tries to decide which will provide her with most comfort and safety.The only way through is to constantly show her that she is safe and loved for who she is, and that she won't be rejected.Encourage her to be open about what she is feeling and try to discuss ways in which she may feel better.Physical contact of a non sexual nature is really important. I used to have a really big problem with people touching me, but my husband helped me over that by not giving in to my fear and persisting in hugging and holding me.Just holding hands means the world to someone who is feeling vulnerable, and if you feel that the time is right, massage - whether its a body or head massage is great for helping her to relax and feel worthy of your love.Those with any type of eating disorder feel guilty about the space they occupy. Any pursuit which demonstrates her importance to you as a physical, emotional and spiritual entity is great.And you'll enjoy it too!